Take Three: 61 days post op

It has taken me three attempts to post on here. Because I think my last post exhausted me. But I have been in s funk. A place that has me in tears and not wanting to do much. Maybe that post was the spot of truth against the mundane?  Days go by quick and it is easy to barely acknowledge your feelings (at best) or convince yourself that things are temporary (at worst).

In 30 days the kids are back in school. Summer came quick and it may be the heat but my energy and my thoughts are blank. I keep thinking about what it will be like when school starts. I do not want another school year like last year. It was awful and marred with illness and surgery. And illness and surgery. I do not have the energy for another year. School pick ups.  Homework.  Friend anything... cue, guilt.  Everything is still hard. Less painful. But still hard. And I do not like that. I want to scream not so much for things to <stop> but for them to <turn back>.  Like when you are conscious enough to know you're dreaming but not alert enough to end the dream sequence.

I have trouble sleeping, trouble readjusting in bed, trouhle getting in and out of bed.  A couple weeks before surgery we bought a new bed and while it is better on the back, and our old mattress needed to go, I cannot help but feel like when that mattress hit the dumpster so did my last shred of mobility.

I struggled out of bed on two occassions today.  I feel like my head is full of cotton.  But seriously how to cope when school starts?