7 and 8

One month and one day till I get my seventh and eighth surgical incisions on my upper extremities. 1 and 2 were in 03. 3 and 4 were in 09. 5 and 6 were 7.5 weeks ago.  Surgery is some sort of tailspin. See the graph I made?  Rather than a straight line recovery is all over the place.  Good days. Bad days. Good moods. Awful moods. I find the newness of healing to to be fading and the relief subsiding into annoyance and frustration.  

Pure science, no?  I find myself feeling less grateful because these incisions hurt.  And the muscles are weaker.  Makes me feel spoiled - like I have grown used to the initial progress I made and am no longer grateful.  That, coupled with feeling of "O.M.G. I am doing THIS to my right arm? Am I out of my mind..."  Not that a repeat procedure makes me crazy, just overwhelmed.  

The thing is I do not know if my progress on my left arm has reached a plateau.  Either momentarily or for good.  Or at least till I can resume weight lifting - which I have a self imposed moratorum on till my right arm is post op'ed and ready.  Lest I risk having lopsided arms.  But when can I determine that it is "time" to start becoming more active, more independent and stop cutting down activities because of pain...Because, funny thing is, after dealing with pain for so long you kind of want to rebel.  Or, I do anyway.  And go back to being as active as I can rather than continue the hiatus.

See.  Total tailspin.